Today, as I giggled at my daughter turning up her little nose and muttering her favourite works...”Ewww, disgusting” I got thinking...
I guess I must say “Ewww disgusting”, alot! You would too if you’ve been a parent of a toddler, or even a temporary care-giver long enough to get a glimpse of parenthood, you’d say it too!
But then, I thought for a moment about the little minds of those toddlers. That just maybe when we say “Ewww, that’s disgusting” that maybe they interpret that differently, that maybe their little minds don’t separate themselves from that which is “disgusting”. That maybe they think THEY are disgusting. OUCH. OK, I am going to STOP saying that! And, just maybe, I’m watching too much DR. Phil...
I guess, in trying to be the best parent I can, it does make me continually self-aware of my parenting in pursuit of always wanting to do the best job possible. And those little things do actually cross my mind....” Is saying "Ewww Disgusting" or something I do going to put my kids in therapy one day...trying to figure out why their mom thought they were disgusting!?” Well, most likely! I giggled about this with my sister on the phone, that I’m sure something we do will haunt them in some way, shape or form. Funny as it is, the sad truth is that I probably won’t be far from wrong.
Is it so wrong to try to be a good parent? To raise kids with good basics...know right from wrong, that are considerate, giving, respectful and not selfish, self-centered, entitled kids that hate me. There is so much controversy and mis-givings about the “right” things to do, and we are in constant judgement of each other as society as a whole or from other parents. Or worse, the opinions of people who aren’t even parents! Ugh! Do you ever go shopping with your kids and think “Oh I wonder what they think of my screaming kid”, or make your own judgement , like...“Someone quiet that screaming kid!”? So we remain part of the judgement either giving it or receiving it.
“ Self-actualized people are independent of the good opinion of others.” – Dr Wayne Dyer
In other words...“Other peoples good opinion of you are none of your business”.
Because the truth is it doesn’t matter what we do, we aren’t going to be perfect. The best we can do is have empathy and support each other as parents, and learn to be humble and allow mistakes to make us better for growth. Otherwise if we stay in the assumption that we are perfect, when do we allow the opportunity for growth? Being a parent has given me the give of humility, and the gift of empathy.
Right now I’m humming“Oh Lord it's hard to be humble, when your perfect in every way....Oh Lord it's hard to be humble but I'm doing the best that I can. We're doing the best that we can...”. Who sings that again? LOL
Adopting a little humility, since we are all in-fact “HUMAN” can’t hurt! We just “do our best” instead of taking the “I know best” position when it comes to our discipline and guidance to our children. It is when we decide “we know best” in either comparison with other parents, or as the authority figure to our kids that we open up the door to challenge from both, disappointment and debate. It is only when we accept that we are not perfect that we allow opportunity for better. Then as long as we continue to pursue self-development, we always have opportunity to do better, and better... Admitting we are human, before we have a nervous breakdown fighting to be perfect, might not be such a bad thing.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
I think I’ll adopt an “I know BETTER” attitude, than a “I know BEST” attitude when it comes to my kids. And then at least, hopefully my children will have only minimal therapy, and I’ll be able to say “I wasn’t perfect but I did my best”.
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